A monthly check-in with work humor, dog content, and whatever Rigatoni’s up to.
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Issue No. 002 · May 2026
The Rigatoni Report
Internal Memo for Working Dog Parents
From Rigatoni's Desk
INTERNAL MEMORANDUM — PASS THE RIGATONI LLC
To
All Working Dog Parents
From
Rigatoni, Chief Excitement Officer
Re
Q2 Performance Review & Summer Readiness Assessment
Date
May 2026
Team. May is here. I have reviewed the numbers. I have reviewed the vibes. Both are trending in the right direction.
A few items requiring your immediate attention:
Summer is not a break from the work. Summer is the work. — Rigatoni (CEO) This Month on the Feed
4.9 million views. Rigatoni had no comment.
May produced a personal record. A single reel reached 4.9 million views — a number Rigatoni reviewed, found satisfactory, and immediately moved past. The content, per usual, was premised on something that happened at work. The audience understood. They always do. Rigatoni also made his brand partnership debut with Desktronic. He reviewed the product. He approved the product. He expensed the product. 
4.9M
Views. One reel. May 2026.
Rigatoni reviewed the analytics. Closed the tab. Went outside.
Riggie-Approved This Month
The New Hire Survival Kit
Rigatoni has curated a list of products he considers essential for anyone joining a new organization. He reviewed each one. Several required multiple site visits. All have been added to the employee welcome packet without consulting HR. Curated
Rigatoni's Onboarding List ↗
Everything a new hire needs to look busy, stay comfortable, and survive the first 90 days with their dignity intact. Personally vetted by the CEO. Some items were tested extensively. None were returned.
Shop the Full List →
Resume Spotlight
The CEO is accepting applications
Rigatoni continues to review submissions on a rolling basis. Qualifications considered include: nap endurance, treat negotiation, and demonstrated experience attending meetings without contributing meaningfully. The bar is high. The bar is also a couch cushion. Submit your dog's resume for consideration. Rigatoni will review it personally. He will have thoughts. Also Rigatoni-Approved
The full Amazon Storefront is open for browsing. Rigatoni has vetted everything on it. Some reviews took longer than others. All are final.
View Amazon Storefront →
What's Coming
Summer content. Rigatoni's jurisdiction.
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A monthly check-in with work humor, dog content, and whatever Rigatoni’s up to.
The Rigatoni Report — April 2026 Issue No. 001 · April 2026 The Rigatoni Report Internal Memo for Working Dog Parents From Rigatoni's Desk INTERNAL MEMORANDUM — PASS THE RIGATONI LLC To All Working Dog Parents From Rigatoni, Chief Excitement Officer Re Q2 Status Update Date April 2026 Team, as we continue through Q2, I have completed my review of your spring initiatives. The findings are as follows. The Q2 Mandates are as follows: Productivity: Any time spent "working from the patio" is time...